Y’ever see something pop up in one of your social media feeds and you have no idea how it got there? It happens to all of us. And over the weekend I stumbled upon this graphic, from the Facebook page Superhero Parents, suggesting Halloween costumes based on a given person’s date of birth.
And I figured, given that stores are already decorating for Halloween, it wouldn’t be a bad time to bring this meme to bear on the Orlando Magic.
So, without further ado, here’s how each Magic player under contract should dress for Halloween 2017. Hey, they’ll have the night off: they’re in the Crescent City to play the New Orleans Pelicans on October 30th, but don’t play again until they visit the Memphis Grizzlies on November 1st!
- Arron Afflalo: Angry bunny
- D.J. Augustin: Dirty bathtub
- Khem Birch: Sassy dinosaur
- Bismack Biyombo: Beautiful dinosaur
- Troy Caupain: Dirty pumpkin
- Evan Fournier: Angry pumpkin
- Aaron Gordon: Sassy cheese grater
- Mario Hezonja: Naked lobster
- Jonathan Isaac: Angry pencil
- Wesley Iwundu: Dead shovel
- Kalin Lucas: Naked fangirl
- Shelvin Mack: Cute sausage roll
- Adreian Payne: Naked tissue
- Elfrid Payton: Naked sausage roll
- Terrence Ross: Naked Instagram model (editorial note: )
- Jonathon Simmons: Sassy plastic bag
- Marreese Speights: Beautiful goldfish
- Nikola Vucevic: Angry fangirl
Okay, so obviously some of these work much better than others; what exactly is a naked tissue or a dead shovel, anyway? But I’d like to encourage everyone to refer to Marreese Speights as a beautiful goldfish this season. It’s very Leslie Knope-addressing-Ann-Perkins.