Okay, before I start, this is just for fun, not trying to poke anyone in the eye or anything like that. And I certainly recognize that one of the few joys available at this time of year, for those who are fans of teams not in the playoffs, is fantasizing about the future. Still, there's a tendency among our posts here to think that anything is possible. So, with that in mind, I'm going all in.
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I saw an article on the internet (so it must be true) the other day that said the Magic front office is about to announce the development of a new time travel tool that will completely remake the way off seasons happen in the NBA. Without providing details, here are the plans so far,
PG - The team thinks that E.P. has a bright future, but given the win now motivation we have chosen to trade EP, our 1st round pick and future considerations to the Los Angeles Lakers the 1980 version of Magic Johnson. We were unable to come to an agreement with the Cincinnati Royals to complete a trade for the 63-64 Oscar Robertson, but we believe we will soon be able to announce a trade with Utah for John Stockton. We don't really care which year of his we get as they were all pretty amazing and he'd be the best backup PG in the game.
SG - We have traded our first round picks of 1992 and 2004 for the 1995-96 Michael Jordan. We know he doesn't have much longer to play, but we think it is worth it. The Lakers wouldn't deal Kobe or Jerry West to us ("you guys already got Magic, what are you kidding me?" asked Jerry Buss), so we've "settled" for the 94-95 Clyde Drexler. We're still working the details, but we think they'll take our entire current roster in exchange.
SF - We realized that we were quickly running out of trade-able assets, so we looked for free agents and were able to grab Larry Bird (83-84) for a mere pittance by today's standards. Just our luck, too, as Bird won the MVP that year and having that Larry Bird on our team can only help. We raided the ABA for our other SF, signing a young (75-76) Julius Erving. "It wasn't really a competition. The old NETS just couldn't afford the millions we think of as a modest NBA salary" mused GM Hennigan. As for Bird and Dr. J, they are more than pleased to make in a single contract more than they made in their entire careers.
PF - by the time we got to the big men (ok, don't ask why we were doing it in this order) we realized that we might as well stop pretending that we were being fair and we simply would sign away whomever we wanted. To that end, we would like to announce our new power forwards, Karl Malone (96-97) and Charles Barkley (92-93). However, we would like to note that there is no truth to the rumor that Sir Charles' contract includes a provision that TNT analyst Charles Barkley (2016-17) can't critique him.
C - When it came time to sign centers we realized the embarrassment of riches we were confronted with, especially with respect to the centers in the league today. But just because we really want to win, we have signed Kareem Abdul Jabbar (79-80) and Wilt Chamberlin (67-68)
In addition, we filled out our roster with some utility guys who we think can play multiple positions; Bill Russel, Hakeem Olajuwan, Elgin Baylor and Scottie Pippen.
We think we should be in good position to win this coming year. But just to make sure, we've decided to demote Scot Skiles to asst and have hired Red Auerbach (56-66) as coach. We know his game might be a bit dated, but we're sure with these players he'll be able to adjust to the modern NBA quickly. Please note, the front office recognizes that many fans would have liked to see some current NBA players on this team, but we felt it best to spare all concerned with the awkwardness of, say, the 16-17 LeBron having to guard the 12-13 LeBron in the Eastern Conference Finals.
Our Depth Chart would look like this
PG - Johnson / Stockton
SG - Jordan / Drexler / Pippen / Baylor
SF - Bird / Erving / Baylor / Pippen
PF - Malone / Barkley / Olajuwan / Russell
C - Jabbar / Chamberlin / Russell / Olajuwan
Though, to be honest, we don't know that position or distinctions between starters and bench will be of much importance on this team. We imagine we could pretty much randomly put any five of these guys out there and beat most any team in the league.