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An Open Letter to Michael Sharod Wilks Jr.

Mr. Wilks,

As I am not a professional athlete, I do not know the particulars of what happens when one joins a new team, but I imagine among the first orders of business is selecting a uniform number. After all, there are jerseys to print, nameplates to order, and media guides to distribute. And while I do not know you personally, and although you did not solicit this advice, I offer it anyway:

Select no. 11.

As your page shows us, you have worn no. 29 with seven of the eight NBA teams for which you've played. The lone exception came during the 2004/2005 season as a San Antonio Spur, during which you wore no. 11. The Spurs, as you well know, went on to win their third NBA championship that season. And although you did not play a single playoff game for them that season, your selecting that number was solely responsible for their victory.

That fact is irrefutable: teams for which you have played are 0-for-7 (.000) in winning championships when you wear no. 29. The team for which you wore no. 11 is 1-for-1 (1.000). And, as we know, correlation equals causation. And, as we also know, the goal of any professional sports team is to win a title, and as there can be only one winner during a given season, it follows that one must make any and all efforts to secure victory for his team. And, as the newest member of the Orlando Magic, the first step you can make is to select no. 11.

I implore you, as a Magic fan, to take this task seriously. Your choice will directly affect the team's championship aspirations, and by extension its fans' well-being.

Do not let your team or your fans down, Mr. Wilks. Select no. 11.

Sincerely and respectfully,

Ben Q. Rock