I confess: I really just wanted to be the first one to write a fanpost in the new format. Which, by the way, reminds me more of a health-care provider site than a sports site. I keep expecting Evan to ask me to log my blood-sugar numbers for the last week. Or to write some sort of helpful article about the need to get a colonoscopy on a regular basis. I mean, I guess the he-who-shall-not-be-named flatulence article could be said to have addressed that. Not that I am saying that we need more articles on bowel-health, although I suspect that some of our regular posters probably have issues with that sort of thing. And really, you can't discount the importance of a good bowel movement. As Charles Bukowski said, "a man can go seventy years with a good piece of behind (edited), but he can die in a week without a bowel movement."
Hmm. I seem to have gotten off-topic.
So, the point of this post is nick-names. I am of the opinion that when a player changes teams, they should be able to consider changing nicknames as well-kind of like the way they sometimes change numbers. There are some established nicknames for some of our players, but it never hurts to have a few in reserve for when ESPN trolls our site to get ideas for their next interview with a soon-to-be former player. (EX: Bayless: "So Dwight, the poster named girlintoharrypotter on Orlando Pinstriped Post has referred to you as the "Peter Pettigrew" of the NBA. How does that make you feel?" Dwight: "I have no regrets." Bayless: "You can't read, can you?" Dwight: "You mean, like, words and stuff?")
Here are some current (somewhat) nick-names that exist for our roster. Please add your own versions, addendum, or corrections to my list in the comments section:
1. Jameer Nelson: crib-midget
2. Arron Afflalo: the rattlesnake, Afflalo Creed,
3. Hedo Turkoglu: Hedo, Turkey-glue, Mr. 4th quarter (retired after 2008-09 season)
4. Armon Johnson:
5. Gustavo Ayon: taco hammer
5. Glen Davis: Big-baby (not what he wants to be called), Uno-uno (what he wants to be called)
6. Christian Eyenga: skyenga
7. Maurice Harkless: the hark-less monster, Moe, Don't-call-me-Moe
8. Justin Harper: True
9. Al Harrington: buckets
10. DeQuan Jones: the chef
11. Josh McRoberts: McBob, McRambis, the white shadow
12. E'Twaun Moore: ET
13. Andrew Nicholson:
14. Kyle O'Quinn: KOQ
15. J.J. Redick: JJ, the poet
16. Quention Richardson: Q-Rich, Q
17. Ishmael Larry Smith: Ish, Dish, Swish, Mish
18. Nikola Vuveciv: Vooch
By the way, I found all of these nicknames on the internet, so they are all true. I look forward to seeing your contributions in the comments section, as well as seeing a few of you try to hijack the thread by opening up a discussion about whose defensive contributions will be more important to the magic outside the arc in the first six games of the season, or something else like that.