The Perfect Trade Situation for Dwight

I can't believe someone hasn't suggested this trade scenario yet, but I concocted it just now (like all great trade ideas) and believe it is the solution to our organization's many problems: namely huge contracts for terrible players and unbelievably long lines when I go get refills of Sprite during half-time. I think the following situation works best for Otis Smith. There is no room for error, because, simply, there is no error with this idea. None.

Here's how it would play out:

Transaction 1:  Orlando trades Dwight Howard to Los Angeles for Pau Gasol and a future first-round draft pick.

Seeing the need to trade Dwight before he leaves anyway, the Magic trade him to his preferred destination with the Lakers. General Manager Otis Smith sees Pau Gasol as his first piece in his grand scheme of rebuilding, or reconstruir. 

Transaction 2: Fran Vazquez signs with Orlando 

With the vacancy at center now that Dwight is gone, Fran sees this as the perfect opportunity to get the starting job; something Gortat could only dream of (or hope for a suspension). Fran eagerly signs a 7/year 40 jillion dollar contract and finds a local girlfriend via eHarmony.

Transaction 3: Orlando trades Jameer Nelson to Toronto for Jose Calderon

Smith trades away Jameer, no longer paired with his buddy Dwight, to Toronto. When asked what it came down to in trading for Calderon, Smith replies: "Free throw shooting. All about the free throw shooting." 

Transaction 4: Orlando trades Brandon Bass, Ryan Anderson, and Daniel Orton to Memphis in a sign-and-trade deal for Marc Gasol (free agent) and Greivis Vasquez

In, arguably, the biggest trade of the off season (in terms of total weight), Orlando trades away three promising young stars in exchange for Pau's brother Marc and Vasquez, a rookie Magic blogger Evan Dunlap once said the Magic should draft. The trade appears to be significantly lopsided at first, but one must remember we are dealing with Memphis general manager, Chris Wallace.

Transaction 5: Orlando trades J.J. Redick for J.J. Barea

This makes sense purely for name symmetry, though, at first, Barea appears unwilling to gell his hair. With this final transaction, Smith's scheme is complete.

On opening day, Smith unveils his new Magic team, which will henceforth be known simply as Los Cinco Grandes (aka The Big 5). Smith's dream of creating an all-Spanish team is realized.

Orlando's New Lineup:

C - Fran Vazquez
PF - Pau Gasol/Marc Gasol
SF - J.J. Barea
SG - Greivis Vasquez
PG - Jose Calderon

How could anyone criticize such a plan?