In conjunction with today's theme that only some of the members of the national media take the Magic's chances of winning it all seriously, The Sports Guy dishes out this jab in his Round 2 Awards (this after he mocks the Amway Arena, Magic fans, and the city of Orlando in general):
THE GEORGE LOPEZ'S LATE NIGHT SHOW FOLLOWING CONAN O'BRIEN'S LATE NIGHT SHOW AWARD FOR "MOST LAUGHABLY UNLIKELY SCENARIO THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN
"The Suns! The Magic! It's the 2010 NBA Finals on ABC!"
THE SUE ELLEN MISCHKE AWARD FOR "BIGGEST INFERIORITY COMPLEX"
To the Magic fans, who somehow took that last award personally. Whaddya mean it was laughably unlikely??? We're killing everybody! We whupped Cleveland in five games last year! We made the Finals last year! We have one of the best five players in the league! We have the best inside/outside game! We have the deepest team! We have a healthy Jameer, which we didn't have last year! WHY THE HELL IS THIS SO LAUGHABLY UNLIKELY????
Well, the odds were something like 40-1 for a Suns-Magic Finals heading into the playoffs. That's one reason. But the Magic fans are right -- it shouldn't have taken an 8-0 romp through the first two rounds to make some people take the Magic seriously. Still, it's hard for me to imagine them winning the actual championship for the following reasons (not counting Vince Carter and their arena, as mentioned earlier):
1. Their best player, Dwight Howard, cannot push a grocery cart through an aisle or walk a across the street on a crosswalk without bowling over three people.
3. Before Game 2, the Magic handed out "Karate Kid II"-type noisemakers, which the fans proceeded to bang for three straight hours (and left me feeling like I had a mild brain tumor afterwards).
4. There are enough similarities between the 2002 Kings and 2010 Magic that someone could get a 1,200-word column out of it. Some definite "even though they had the best team on paper, they couldn't pull off four wins against an inferior big-market team, partly because nobody stepped up when it mattered, and partly because the league didn't want them to win" potential. I'm just sayin'.
5. Now that Tiger Woods is in seclusion, their No. 1 celebrity fan is this guy (a picture of Loud Guy).
As much as I'd like to recognize Loud Guy as a the modern day celebrity Magic fan. The real celebrity Magic fan is and will always be Fat Guy. Of everything Simmons dished out in his column, that reference I found the most offensive.
I guess I'll actually find these jokes funny if the Magic win a championship this season.